Some things, no matter how one hesitates, struggles, or tries to avoid them, still circle back to the same ending…is this fate?
The fingertips resting on her arm gradually gave one final spasm. Yin Er was breathing rapidly. Her unfocused eyes stared fixedly at her.
Feng Zhi Wei opened her eyes and reached out her hand.
And calmly accepted the child.
A burst of joy flashed in Yin Er’s eyes. For an instant, her gaze shone with dazzling brightness, then faded away. Feng Zhi Wei bent down and heard her faint voice, a whispering sound from her throat, “Master…I’ve repaid…your kindness…”
Feng Zhi Wei gently stroked her face. She watched as the woman closed her eyes with a smile, before finally lowering her gaze to the child. The tiny infant seemed to have already cried himself hoarse underground and was now sleeping from exhaustion. Teardrops still clung to his eyes, mixed with blood and dust, making his little face grimy and pitifully dirty.
Feng Zhi Wei lowered her head and gently wiped away the dirt with her fingers as she let out a long, silent sigh in her heart.
Child, one truly does come into this world crying. Life holds much suffering, so much that it seems to be endless.
She hugged the baby tightly and pondered in her heart. Naturally, she would not send the child to the imperial temple. Her plan was to send him far away from the capital to the remote plains where the emperor was far, far away. There, under Helian’s protection, the child could grow up as a carefree herdsman–never knowing the truth of his true birth.
Having made her plan, and the battle ahead seemingly subsiding, she quietly straightened from behind the vat, intending to slip away under the cover of the night and dust.
However, her half-straightened back suddenly froze.
Slowly, she turned her head. Still bent in that awkward posture, she looked towards the end of the alley, the alley that had been empty only moments before.
There, at some unknown moment, a figure had appeared. He wore a moon-white brocade robe, elegant and ethereal, with a face like a pear blossom bathed in moonlight. Yet behind him, a dark black cloak fluttered like a demon, and a large, pale-gold mandala flower flashed arrogantly in the darkness.
He stood against the black backdrop of the night, his expression obscured by the shifting light and shadow. Only half of the mesmerizing face was visible, and upon it lingered the faintest hint of a smile.
The two stood facing each other across the deep alley, each calm, each carrying a chilling stillness.
After a long moment, he spoke. His voice was gentle.
He said, “Zhi Wei, you’ve worked hard.”
He stretched out his hands toward her. “Here, give me.” (The wording of this sounded a bit odd and maybe even rude in English, so the better way to translate it might’ve been “Give him to me” or “Give it to me.” but then that would be adding words that are not in the original text. So I will just make a note that the wording of “Give me” here doesn’t come off rude or demanding in Chinese.)
Feng Zhi Wei gazed at him from afar, looking at his faint smile at the corners of his lips with the eyes that were devoid of any hint of a smile, and suddenly felt that the sweet teasing they had shared while eating grapes by the well only a few hours earlier seemed as distant as if it had happened a hundred years ago.
This standoff reminded her more of the scene years before, when, by chance, she had saved Shao Ning. After Shao Ning’s fall from the top of the Luo Hua Tower, he had ridden up on horseback, looked up, and met her gaze coldly.
Her gaze slowly dropped to his outstretched hand. He stubbornly maintained that posture— as if he knew perfectly well that she might refuse to hand over the child, yet still wanted to know whether, just this once, she would yield for him.
After a long while, she signed.
“Your Highness,” she said, “I believe you saw the words on the well.”
Ning Yi slowly withdrew his hand, staring somewhat blankly at his own palm, smiled, and said, “I haven’t thanked you for warning me.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Feng Zhi Wei replied calmly. “What I mean is that, since I made the decision to warn you in the first place, I naturally understood that, for you, this child could not be allowed to live.”
A flicker passed through Ning Yi’s eyes, but no joy showed on his face. His expression made it clear he was waiting for her to say the next sentence.
Feng Zhi Wei sighed inwardly— truly, of all the people in the world, Ning Yi is still the one who understood her the best.
“But some things feel different when you plan them out and when you actually face them.” She looked at Ning Yi sincerely, “For example, this child. When I hadn’t seen him, when he was just a foreign illusory existence in Consort Qing’s womb, I could decide after much hesitation to warn you and give you a chance to get rid of him. But when this child is actually in my arms, weak and helpless against my chest, I can’t help but think of his innocence. I can’t help but think of Yin Er, the one who helped me before. And the expression in Yin Er’s eyes as she pleaded with her last breath… Your Highness, no matter how ruthless I am, that’s against enemies. And I am, after all, a woman.”
She did not continue talking— unless a woman was cruel by nature, no woman could personally kill an innocent infant. Besides, when all was said and done, there was no hatred between her and Consort Qing. To snuff out another person’s newborn child, she could not do it.
She, too, had once been a mother— she had once held little Gu Zhi Xiao in her arms and watched her grow until the age of three.
She, too, had once been filled with tenderness and joy, breathing in the sweet milky scent that clung to the child. And now that she had lost her, she too had spent countless nights in desolation and loneliness.
Zhi Xiao was just her adopted daughter, while this child was Consort Qing’s own flesh and blood, carried for ten months in her womb.
She knows that feeling.
Ning Yi stood silently in the shadows at the alley entrance.
“I should remind you.” She said gently, “Taking matters too far is never wise. You know what kind of person Consort Qing is. She is not a simple character. If she survives and learns that she has lost this child, she will go crazy and try everything in her power to destroy you. You might as well keep this child under your control. As long as she knows he is still alive, she will never be your enemy.”
“After what happened here, she and I are already destined to be enemies.” Ning Yi replied evenly.
“If you are destined to be enemies anyway, then you might as well keep an extra bargaining chip in your hand.” Studying his expression, Feng Zhi Wei suddenly asked, “You didn’t find Consort Qing down there just now, did you?”
Ning Yi remained silent.
Not denying was as good as admitting it.
After a long pause, he said, “You have decided not to hand him over to me?”
Feng Zhi Wei said nothing.
Silence returned to the deep alley, a heavy and desolate silence, like a tangible wall standing thick and solid between them.
After a long moment, Ning Yi drew a deep breath.
Feng Zhi Wei had never seen him act like this before. In her memory, although Ning Yi always appeared distracted and aloof, he was in fact decisive and ruthless. In all the time she had known him, she had never seen him truly hesitate over anything.
Then she heard him say, “Give him to me. I promise you, I will not take his life.”
Feng Zhi Wei looked at him quietly. There was no distrust in her eyes, but there was a hint of scrutiny. After a moment, she asked, “Why can’t you trust me to take care of this?”
“You are planning to send him to the grasslands, aren’t you?” Ning Yi said, “Just as you don’t trust me with him, I don’t trust the grasslands. Too far, with too many uncertainties and variables. Moreover, Helian is openhearted and straightforward by nature. If Consort Qing were ever to learn of anything, then with her ruthless and meticulous methods, Helian might not be able to guard against her. Frankly, in all the world, the only people I believe can remain out of the reach of others’ schemes are you and me. I trust no one else.”
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That was intense. And a real test of the strength of their relationship. How they respond to each other can break or make it stronger. If he hadn’t hesitated and said that last line….😅 goodness, I was holding my breath! Can’t wait for next week’s translation. Thanks Ninja.