A shiver raced through Qiangu’s body. Mo Bing Xian’s special ability is quite powerful so the closer one gets to him the more uncomfortable it is. Despite the strong force that is seemingly tearing at her insides, Qiangu ignores it because she craves the peace she feels that comes from being close to Mo Bing Xian. However, this time…

Quickly realizing what is happening, Qiangu pushes Mo Bing Xian away in the next instant. “Don’t look…” Don’t look at her painful and shameful past.

That child…that child was her? The Qiangu in the past? The girl who was so afraid of the demons, the child that had bravely set on a journey by herself, the one who became Bai Zihua’s disciple, the one who tried so hard, the one who happily played with Tangbao but then ended up suffering so much because of Bai Zihua?

He finally understands why her hallow expression would have traces of confusion and despair. He finally understands why even Zhu Ran pities her, why Mo Yan begged him to come and why Bai Zihua is willing to stay even after all the humiliation.

His heart aching as he “saw” a blind and mute Qiangu suffering all manner of abuse in the wilderness of desolation. Mo Bing Xian understands now why Qiangu is so tolerant towards Zhu Ran. Zhu Ran might be using Qiangu but he was the one that took care of her and gave her hope when all seems lost. The people of this world, all they’ve ever done was to criticise her, hurt her, deceive her but no one cares that she has never wanted to be the demon goddess. It was all forced upon her. To be honest, as one who already keeps his distance from the world with his uncaring attitude after his own experiences, can he really say what he would’ve become if he had to go through what she did?

But why? Why is she so stubborn? All of this was for Bai Zihua? His pity replaced with anger towards Bai Zihua, anger towards the world, anger at himself.

Shaking her head lightly after she sees the expression on Mo Bing Xian’s face, Qiangu collapses on the chair and says “Isn’t funny that the six realms are filled with death and chaos because of me but the only life I have ever personally taken was Lou Shiyi’s?” (That’s Tang Bao’s man. Our heroine killed him after Tang Bao died.)

“I…” Feeling lost and a bit guilty, Mo Bing Xian could’ve peered into Qiangu’s mind without being detected but he was so stunned by what he saw that he lost control. Suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to kill Bai Zihua, Mo Bing Xian hates the fact that he was so late coming into Qiangu’s life. The Hua Qiangu today is no longer the bright innocent child full of smiles but an empty shell simply existing. To think he was helping all the very people who had pushed her to this. How cruel…

Standing up slowly, Qiangu could’ve still pretended in the make-believe world with Mo Bing Xian if he hadn’t found out but that’s no longer possible. She doesn’t want to walk around feeling like she is completely exposed.

“Xia Gu!” Mo Bing Xian grabs Qiangu’s hand.

Taken aback for a moment to hear Mo Bing Xian calling her by the same nickname Zihua calls her, Qiangu looks back at him.

“Can you still not let go even now?”

With a sigh, Qiangu replies “In my world there has never been anything that could be compared to him. ”

Hua Qiangu disappeared. In truth, if she really wanted to hide, then no one in this world would be able to find her. Day after day time passes but Qiangu never showed her face again. Mo Bing Xian’s usually cool and aloof personality suddenly became one of nervous energy. Instead of wondering if he has sapped enough of Qiangu’s power to accomplish his mission, all Mo Bing Xian can think right now is her safety. The alliance’s attack will happen in a few days. It seems obvious that there is no chance the alliance could win but Mo Bing Xian knows that Zhu Ran is really the only one they will have to worry about…because Qiangu doesn’t care one bit at all.

The days come and go, finally, the big day is at the door. Mo Bing Xin is not naive enough to believe Zhu Ran is completely clueless but for some reason, the six realms have remained eerily quiet.

————————————————————————————-7/4/2018———————————————————————-

Standing by the creek that has long dried up, Qiangu remembers that a long long time ago she used to play in the creek barefoot while trying to catch fishes and crabs. Father would sit a little distance away while he reads but sounds of coughing would always come as well. On the days when Father is feeling well enough he would teach her to read and write or fold a pretty paper crane for her. In a blink of an eye, many years have gone by and that small wooden cabin is long gone. Since the birth of the demon goddess, the world, including nature itself has fallen into chaos and after many years of drought, the people in the village either died or has moved away.

Slowly clearing away the weed on her father’s grave bit by bit Qiangu then found some wood to start building the little cabin in her memory. Qiangu could’ve easily used her power but she still chose to spend the next two days building a rather shabby looking cabin…not to mention the number of times she spaced out and the hammer ends up on her hand.  When the cabin is finally done and the little structure looks more like a floral house (our heroine can’t control her power as well as before which means flowers will pop up wherever she goes), Qiangu lays in the darkness like she used to do, feeling so peaceful and safe like a baby in a mother’s womb…like when she was in Bai Zihua’s embrace.

The sky is pitch dark. It has been many days since the sun has been out. She knows she should not let her emotions influence the heavens but she no longer has the ability to control her power. Suddenly sensing someone, Qiangu’s hand trembles when she detects the familiar presence.

The person stands at the door seemingly without any intention to enter. With a silent sigh, Qiangu wonders why he even came in the first place if he doesn’t want to see her.

“It’s windy outside. Please come in even if my abode is inadequate.”

Pushing open the door, Bai Zihua walks in.

Leaning on a wooden board she had half haphazardly built, Quingu’s violet eyes exchange a long silent stare with our hero’s for a long moment. Choosing a place at random, Zihua sits down and is reminded once again of his loss of control when he saw Qingu’s forehead. Since “that” time, this is the first time they have seen each other but the distance between them feels like it has been years. He had promised before that he would die rather than hurt her but he has once again broken his promise. Closing his eyes, Zihua in all honesty has no clue what he should do. Logic and emotions are forcefully separated so that while the cold frigid Bai Zihua stands in front, another Bai Zihua is standing right behind sighing.

Once he found out that she has disappeared he knew right away that she must’ve come here because years ago while they were traveling she had brought him once.

He really has no idea why he has come searching for her. Was it because of Mo Bing Xian? Or was it because the alliance will attack in two days? His body is still mortal so Mo Yan is afraid that he would get hurt in the attack and has repeatedly asked him to go back. But, how could he leave when all of this was his fault? If he had just done better perhaps everything could’ve been different. However, even now, when so many lives have been lost, he still doesn’t feel it was wrong to accept her as his disciple or to regret anything he has done for her.

“Why did you want to see me?” Qiangu’s voice was as cold as ice.

After a long moment of silence, Zihua replies “The alliance will attack in two days.”

“So what? They are just fools trying to do the impossible. Since they want death so badly then I will grant their wish. You are not here to beg mercy for them are you?”

When Zihua doesn’t say anything, Qiangu sneers then asks suggestively “Don’t tell me you are worried about me?”

His expression serious, Zihua replies “Of course not.”
“Then you want to beg me to let them go again? Don’t start a massacre? If so, the one you should stop is them not me.”
Releasing a soft sigh, Zihua asks “Could you not let everything go and stop being the demon goddess?”
Staring at Zihua like he has just told the world’s biggest joke, Qiangu wanted to demand how there could possibly be any recourse but in the end her heart softens for a moment and she replies with a bitter smile “So what if I am the demon goddess and what of it if I am not? If I am, you will kill me. If I am not, then you are willing to ride off into the sunset with me?”

Bursting out in a piercing laugh when the reply she got was “I won’t kill you. Let go of everything and go back with me to the bottom of the sea at Changliu.” Qiangu declares “Even now, you are still planning to imprison me forever in THAT place?! You are nothing now, so what makes you think I will listen to you? Listen carefully, I, REFUSE!”
Suddenly stepping close to Zihua, Qiangu whispers suggestively “However…what if we make a deal. If you come to me then I will stop being a demon goddess and spend my life with you, only you. You can save the world and redeem yourself at the same time so why not? Sacrificing himself for the world, isn’t that the great Bai Zihua of Changliu’s favorite thing to do?”
Qiangu peered at Zihua’s face closely, not missing a single expression hoping to see the slightest wavering but she was only rewarded with disappointment as Zihua slowly shakes his head and says “That is the only thing that will never be possible. What would it take for you to stop being angry and forgive? If everything you have done is because of me, then…”

Freezing Zihua in mid-motion the second he started to raise his hand, Qiangu laughs bitterly as she stumbles backward. She had already guessed that something was up when he suddenly showed up, but how could’ve he planned to kill himself right in front of her when he knows she still loves him. Of course he also knew that she would never allow him to succeed so all of this was just to use himself as a way to force her to make a choice. Bai Zihua, you are still that great Bai Zihua after all. Because I love you so I am forever the loser.

Turning away, Qiangu suppresses the waves of bitterness and sadness that threatened to overwhelm her. Shaking her head slowly like she was laughing at herself, Qiangu knew that even if he was willing to be with her in order to save the world she still couldn’t have accepted it. It was all too late the moment she became the demon goddess. But, unable to stop herself, she still harbors that whisper of hope and couldn’t resist asking, testing. In the end, he can’t bring himself to be with her even if it is for the sake of this world. Oh, well. There are never ifs in this world.

Staring after Qiangu’s retreating figure, Zihua slowly closes his eyes. He knows that he was being cruel but he is running out of time and this was the only way to stop her from staining her hand with blood again.

 

All text copyright @ www.Ninja-Reflection.com

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