Zhi Wei.
I once thought that separation meant complete ruin. But now, at this very moment, I have discovered that sometimes, separation can be another form of fulfillment.
To sever ties with my own flesh and blood, my dearest kin, in order to fulfill that vest and most difficult vow you made that day.
Gu Nan Yi’s lips pressed together tightly as he lifted his daughter back onto his lap, pressed his face gently to the back of Gu Zhi Xiao’s head, and carefully inhaled the soft scent of her hair, still carrying a trace of milk fragrance.
Gu Zhi Xiao, still in a daze, finally snapped back to herself because of that embrace.
She twisted around sharply, a teardrop flinging onto his face. She didn’t wipe it away, she just glared at him, eyes wide, and shouted in a shrill voice, “You don’t want me anymore! You’re leaving me all alone!”
Two silent tears rolled down her cheeks, reflecting faintly from the glimmer of light.
“No,” Gu Nan Yi said, wiping her tears away with his fingers. “Daddy will stay with you.”
“Really?” Gu Zhi Xiao blinked, causing fat drops of tears to fall, but there was already a flicker of joy in her eyes. “Not leaving?”
Gu Nan Yi hesitated, then replied, “You’re too little. Daddy needs to stay with you.”
“Then we are staying in Xiliang?” Gu Zhi Xiao asked with an urgent expression. “For how long? One month? One year?”
She stared at him and counted on her fingers. When she reached “a year” she gasped.
“I don’t know how long.” Gu Nan Yi said, rocking her little body gently in his arms. “Xiao Xiao, Daddy belongs to your aunt. Daddy needs to stay here with you, and wait for her.”
“Is aunty leaving you behind?” Gu Zhi Xiao, now a little sleepy from the rocking, mumbled with her words a bit slurred. “Then follow her and take me too.”
“No, Daddy’s the one leaving your aunt behind,” Gu Nan Yi said softly. “Daddy needs to stay with you.”
Gu Zhi Xiao looked up at him suspiciously, her eyes lighting up with a kind of startled joy of – “Could it be that I finally matter more than aunty?” sort of shocking thought.
“Your aunt gave us so much. She was the one who saved you, and she also raised you. ” Gu Nan Yi said, brushing aside a tangled lock of her hair that had been dampened by her tears. “Daddy needs to do something for her, and you need to help Daddy.”
Gu Zhi Xiao was silent for a while, then nodded.
“You stay with me, then we’ll stay here.”
Gu Nan Yi gently stroked her face and said slowly, “Alright.”
After those last few exchanges, the father and daughter said no more.
Gu Zhi Xiao closed her eyes sleepily, the corner of her eyes still glistening with tears.
Gu Nan Yi gazed at his daughter’s face for a long time, and after a while, leaned down, and slowly pressed his own cheek to her still damp cheeks.
His veil slipped down quietly, covering both of their faces.
No one saw what expression he had in that moment of closeness.
Moonlight cast its cold glow over them. The father and daughter held each other in silence, as still as a sculpture. Their garments had a white glow under the moon, but their shadows had blended into one dark stone, drawn long over the coldly-lit path of cobblestones.
The wind rose at that moment, desolate and chilling.
The desolate, chilling wind scattered the father and daughter who had leaned on each other until now, dispersing the most important, most fate-defining conversation of their lives.
The desolate, chilling wind swept across the artificial rocky mountains, but could not scatter the silent, surging tears at the corners of her eyes.
Feng Zhi Wei leaned against the artificial mountain, her head slightly bowed. She pressed against it with such force that it would cause one to worry that she might topple the rocks or crush her own shoulder. The force left a faint mossy green stain on her shoulder, soaking into the dark teal brocade of her robe like a deepened patch of a tear mark.
With her head slightly tilted downward, her face half-hidden behind a clump of shrubbery, no one could see her expression at a glance. Only the moonlight knew that a corner of the exposed cheek was streaked with unrestrained, silent tears, flowing like a torrent, reflecting in the cold moonlight of the night.
Since that fateful day in the Palace, this was the first time Feng Zhi Wei had cried like this.
She had survived the chaos of Wild Grassland, the perils of war, the terror of captivity, and the traps of political intrigue. From that snowy day in the thirteenth year of Tiansheng to now, she had endured countless moments where tears should have fallen, but not once had she cried. Once, she had believed that all the tears she had in her life had been shed before her mother’s bed in Ningan Palace, in front of the Emperor of Tiansheng. In that mix of falsehood and truth, she thought her tears were drained and spent.
But today, she realized there was another kind of pain, like a small blade carving into one’s very bone, melting the frozen blood and marrow in her body, into a flood of endless tears.
For the first time in her life, as a listener to two other people’s conversation, the words were unremarkable, yet every word shook her. Every sentence entered her ears like someone’s fingers were digging violently into her trembling heart. She felt burning hot and cold all over in the torrent of searing pain, so much so that she stood paralyzed behind the artificial rock mountain. Even someone like her, who had been through countless storms and hidden daggers, lost all power of speech and motion.
All she could do was cry, in silence, behind the rocks, under the cold moonlight. She didn’t dare to let a single sob escape from her, for fear of shattering that heavy, decisive moment of them being torn apart.
True devastation does not always come from danger or hardship. Sometimes, it comes from someone else’s unwavering, irresistible giving of their own heart.
As cold and difficult as the last eighteen years of her life had been, it was that much painful and warm right now. She had once believed her life was sealed in ice and snow, never to thaw ever again. But today, she was grateful she was able to come to this world.
Moonlight knew no borders. On one side of the rocky mountain was her, shoulder to stone, quietly weeping. On the other side were the father and daughter, quietly sleeping in an embrace.
One heart, but equally lonely separately.
After a long time, in the silence, Feng Zhi Wei heard a soft sound by the pond. She slowly peeked out and saw Gu Nan Yi lifting the sleeping Gu Zhi Xiao in his arms, walking away from the water’s edge, and handing her to the palace maids who had been waiting in the distance.
There were many maids gathered by the pavilion. It seemed Lu Rui had already confirmed Gu Zhi Xiao’s identity and had discreetly arranged for increased protection for her in the palace.
Gu Nan Yi handed his daughter to the palace maid. As the palace maid went to take her, his hand paused briefly in midair, but in the end, he still handed her over resolutely.
Feng Zhi Wei turned away and closed her eyes.
When she opened them again, the tears were gone. She hurriedly splashed her face with water from the pond, dabbed on some powder to conceal the faint redness at the corners of her eyes.
By the time she stepped out from behind the rock mountain, her face looked normal and met them as if nothing had happened.
She greeted Gu Nan Yi’s gaze with a smile, and for the first time, she was grateful for that veil he never removed. She was afraid that if she had seen his eyes at this moment, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from crying in front of him.
“Where did you wander off to?” Her tone was calm as usual.
Gu Nan Yi seemed to look at her closely for a moment, then turned his face slightly to the side, his voice was still that same unchanging, flat tone, “ I played with Zhi Xiao for a while.”
When had he learned to start telling such half-truths, indistinguishable lies? Feng Zhi Wei wanted to laugh, but more than that, she wanted to cry.
She lifted her face slightly and said softly, “Is she well?”
“Very well.”
Neither of them mentioned bringing Zhi Xiao back. They simply walked side by side, slowly, their shadows stretching long over the cobblestone path. His shadow, broad and heavy, completely enveloped hers.
From the half-curved, withered lotus leaves, a dewdrop rolled off. The sound was faint—yet startling.
After a bit, Gu Nan Yi suddenly said. “I have a martial arts secret manual. I’ll give it to you later. You should practice it.”
Feng Zhi Wei was silent for a moment.
Gu Nan Yi tilted his head slightly, a bit puzzled, to look at her.
“Alright.”
After those final two exchanges, they said nothing more. They continued walking in silence.
The winding garden path curved on and on, as though endless in its twists and turns, yet their shadows had already reached the road’s end.
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