A reader had asked if in Chinese culture “I like you” is a prelude to “I love you.” The short answer is yes but the long answer is a bit more complicated. The Chinese have always been a rather shy culture especially when it comes to expressing one’s love. That’s why we see dramas where a heroine (or hero) might have this epic crush on our hero for YEARS and by the time she timidly confesses her feelings she ends up whispering “I like you…can I be your girlfriend?” If our hero at this point answer “Yes, I like you too”, our two leads would’ve essentially jumped over the causal dating period and right into super serious dating since our heroine would’ve taken the “Yes, I like you too” to really mean “YES! I LOVE You!” It would be devastating to our heroine if after going on one or two dates our hero then nonchalantly says “Hmm…I don’t think we are a good fit after all.”

This is obviously quite different from the western culture where it is totally acceptable for a girl to tell a guy “Hey, I like you, wanna go out on a date?” which it’s generally accepted that she is actually saying “Hey, you seem cute and nice, let’s go out on a date and I will see if I actually want to go out with you for a second time.”

The con with the “I like you” = “I LOVE you and I have my wedding dress/tux picked out already” is that it really doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for true casual dating and it doesn’t allow for a “non-conflict” ridden method for people to say “hey, you are nice but I don’t think we are a good fit.” How many times have we watched a show where the guy/girl would say “Just date me for a month and if you still don’t like me at the end of it then I will leave without a word.” and we as the audience think “Yeah, right…”

I do think there are some good points as well since it makes people take more time to figure out if they truly like someone before they will ask someone out. IF someone asks you out then you more or less can be certain that they have been observing you long enough to be certain that you are the kind of person they like to date.

Now, please don’t assume this “I like you= I love you” thing is universal and run away screaming if a Chinese person tells you “I like you.” The Chinese society has obviously evolved quite a bit with time and western influence so there are plenty of people who has no problem with casual dating. We can see this drastic difference in attitude in C-dramas where the heroine might have that one best friend who doesn’t believe in a monogamous relationship and dates anyone who catches her eye. The fun thing about Chinese culture is that on one end it could be super traditional and conservative but on the other end, we seem to be surprisingly tolerant of non-traditional ideas (as long as it is not your child…that is).

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