The sky in the palace forever looks like it has been enclosed in a square box, forbidding you to break out and escape. Just like a coffin that forever keeps the physical body in. Zhi Wei sits with her legs crossed on the ground with two coffins in front of her as she finishes reading the letter Madam Feng had hidden within her waist strap. 

Reading each word slowly and with the utmost care, after a long long time, Zhi Wei puts the letter close to the Chang Ming Lantern (a lantern that is not supposed to be put out, usually used to remember the dead. ie. fallen soldiers) allowing it to burn up slowly until it turns to ash. The light from the lantern reflects her gaze that is chilled to the bone, like a bottomless pit that no light could escape. 

With the Chang Ming Lantern in hand, she walks around the two coffins aimlessly like a ghost. One coffin belongs to Feng Hao. After they have matched the body to his identity then he will be thrown into the fire to be cremated. She begged the Emperor to let her bury her brother and after seeing her bloodshot eyes, the Emperor agreed after thinking over it for a bit. (In the olden days in China, there are some periods of time when cremation was seen in a negative light as a person’s body is the last lingering link to one’s family and ancestry. By burning the body, it eradicates the person’s existence.There is generally no such stigma anymore.) 

“This is His Majesty’s compassionate mercy.” Returning the body to her, the eunuch declares in a high pitched voice, “This is the first time that a body has entered here and has been allowed to leave in one piece.” 

How ironic that she should be thankful to his mercy for giving her a body. But, that’s alright. Compared to me, you are indeed merciful — you will find that out in the future. 

Adding more oil to the Chang Ming Lantern, she leans forward and carefully examines Feng Hao. The kid is sleeping quietly, his eyes wide open. There are still lingering expressions of fear and pain in his eyes– he left this world with lots of resistance and resentment. Staring at him for a long time, Zhi Wei slowly reaches out a hand to caress his ice cold face. When was the last time she touched him? She can’t remember. She detested him so much that she had never been willing to come into physical contact with him. She hated that he was useless. When she was young, she felt like he was there to drag them down and once she grew up she thought this brother of hers as the biggest burden of her life. She even purposefully threw him in the dungeon months before he was going to die in place of her. He spent the last remaining time on this world in prison. In the end, it is her who is the biggest burden. In the end, she is the one who was such a burden that she will never ever be able to repay. Mother said that she had wronged him but at least mother spoiled him for sixteen years and tried to the best of her ability to repay him. Yet, the one who is truly indebted to him, treated him coldly for the last sixteen years. Her finger slowly moves across his face…Hao Er…let me for the first time and the last time of my life feel you. You lived and died for this sister of yours but you have never received once ounce of warmth from me. Let me try to compensate for that now even if it’s destined to be forever too late. 

Her hand didn’t close Feng Hao’s wide open eyes. Hao Er. See me, see me clearly. This is the world’s most callous sister, the most heartless family, the most foolish woman. She used sixteen years, to let you down.  

The light from the lantern flickers in the darkness, casting ghost-like shadows. She stops in front of Madam Feng’s coffin. Mother. I had asked you countless time in the past who took all the glory and blinding sparkle from the legendary Fire and Wind Female General. (That was Madam Feng’s official title when she was the general) You didn’t have to give me a reply so why did you have to use death to tell me the answer to this question? We had promised that we would leave the Capital together. However, the heaven above has never granted me anything, even my tiniest most humble wish. You never waited for me and I will never be with you, to go see the mountains and seas, to spend our life away from the world. Is this, my fate? 

I still don’t dare to think about how you managed to live through the last sixteen years. I still don’t dare to think about that time when I returned to Qiu Manor. You had brought over a set of new clothes but because you were unwilling to send younger brother away I refused to let you in. It was drizzling that day. Behind the door, I waited and listened for the sound of you leaving. How long did I wait? I waited until I almost fell asleep…that day, your clothes must have been soaked through. Only today did I finally understand. You couldn’t let him be sent away. Because that’s too far, if things get dicey there would be no one to die in my stead. You couldn’t allow him to be cast out of the manor because he can’t protect himself, once something happens then no one could die in my place. Mother. You are using these two bodies of my only family to tell me that time cannot be reversed, no amount of regret can fix the wrong I have committed in the past. Even if I put myself into this coffin, it will never bring back your smile as you split a steamed bun with me. It will not bring back young brother sitting at the other end of the table enjoying his own bowl of soup. 

This year I lived in luxury and experienced all the world’s finest offerings but I finally realized today what I really want is still the three of us sitting around a table, with our heads together, slurping down a bowl of soup. 

Nothing can be brought back, only sorrow is left in this world for her. The light in the lantern slowly goes out. 

The snow came fast and furious in the middle of the night, the ground soon has a thick covering. In silence, Zhi Wei walks in the ankle deep snow slowly. Only wearing clothing made of thin fabric, the frigid cold wind chilled Zhi Wei to the bone but she doesn’t feel it…from today on, there is nothing else that could make her cold. Beginning from today, she is already slumbering in the deep snow, completely alone. 

“Zhi Wei, wait for me.” 

“I want to personally listen to that reed field with its wave like sound or perhaps a bird feather would fall on me as well. Hmm…are you willing to listen to it one more time?” 

We will not be listening to the sound of the reed field anymore. 

When the Gold Feather Guard controlled by Xin Ziyan broke through Qiu Manor then that reed field was destined to forever wither away on the road to South Sea. Ning Yi, the Gold Feather Guard is yours, right? The investigation on Feng family started right after we met, right? The interest in Feng Hao came from your suspicion towards his and my birth, right? So I had been your goal all along– not for love but for the survival of the royal power. It turns out that you and I have always stood on opposite sides. Not because of fate but because of the dictates of our blood. Ha…how foolish, how foolish. In the end, my life is destined to not be my own. Whenever I want to follow my heart, then fate would jerk me back and give me the most painful punch. In the end, all my hopes were just dreams floating in the sky that looked beautiful but in reality could be blown to pieces at any time by lighting or a gust of wind. In the end, what I thought was within my reach was impossibly far away. The snow continues to fall mercilessly, uncaring that there is someone who is standing alone in the dark frosty night. Feng Zhi Wei slowly lowers herself to the ground by a squatty tree. Using her finger she ever so slowly writes a name. In the light reflection from the snow, she stares at the name blankly before finally covering it with her hand that has turned red from the cold.  That particular snowy ground is warmed by her hand, until all the thoughts and loneliness gradually turn to water, flowing away, like in life, some things cannot be recovered, such as life, such as the love of family. 

When the sun rose, she left the palace with the two coffins. The name that turned to water under her palm has been left behind by her. The snow keeps on falling until that area is completely buried, never to be found again. 

The 13th Year of Da Cheng, there was an orphan girl who was thrown out of her home, there was a guard at the brothel, there was the rising star of the nation’s scholar and there was the fast promotion of the young royal envoy. In the 13th year of Da Cheng, there was the handsome playboy prince, there was the callous Emperor, there was the legendary female general and there was the clueless youth waiting to die. In the 13th year of Da Cheng Capital, there were the brightest memories of a person’s life but on the night the snow fell, they were all buried in silence. 

Yeah! We finished the first scroll! In case you were wondering…there are a total of four scrolls. Before you guys all give up and run away, it might be comforting to know that the first scroll is by far the longest scroll out of the four. I am a little torn on how to proceed from this point. Different from the drama, Zhi Wei is the uncontested protagonist and the focus of the story so there are going to be big stretches of time where she goes through the refiner’s fire without our hero by her side. If we just want the stuff focused on our two leads’ romance then this will go extremely fast but that wouldn’t really give you a good flavor of the novel and we will miss some awesome characters. However, I am not sure how interested you guys are if our hero is not around. The second scroll is mostly on our heroine’s experience in the Wildgrassland with Helian. There is some great stuff in there so I do want to translate parts of it but I will most likely skip over the clan political stuff…at least that’s my current plan. Do give me feedback as we go along in the second scroll so I know if I need to skip over more stuff or you guys are good with the pace I have set. 

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