Journey of Flower Novel Translation #12

His lips trembling, Zihua lowers his head to look at Qiangu who is staring up at him with a half smile.

“Bai Zihua, you have actually never believed in me. You only trust your own eyes.”

If his body was sliced in half, he would not hurt any more than he does that very moment. His face contorted into a frighteningly twisted expression no one has ever seen on him, Bai Zihua released a yell that was filled with such agony that made everyone who heard it felt their own heart trembling in pain.

Trying hard to keep her spirit intact for a little longer, Qiangu seems unmoved by Zihua’s pain. He was right. She could not go against her own nature so that’s why she made up that the whole illusion to trick him. But for someone as smart as Zihua, he would not have been so easily tricked if unconsciously he didn’t believe she is capable of doing exactly that.

“How could you…” His eyes dark and hollow like everything has been snatched out of him, Zihua couldn’t believe Qiangu had planned all this in order to trick him into killing her.

Her eyes filled with the same consuming hatred the night before, Qiangu points out “Bai Zihua, I told you…you would regret it.”

She understands him all too well. Killing her will hurt him but the guilt will destroy him.
Soon, her body and her soul will turn to nothing. With that, gods will cease to exist in this world.

Feeling her consciousness fading bit by bit, Qiangu curls up her body. Still holding Qiangu tightly, various vital arteries in Zihua’s body begins to burst in secession, sending blood everywhere.

“Zihua! DON’T!”

Frantic with worry, everyone from Zhang Liu tries to intervene but they were all stopped by the demon goddess’ power that is draining out of Qiangu.

The rain is still pouring but there was nothing anyone could do other than cry silently. Laying in Xuan Lang’s arms, a dying Qing Shui smiles with relief. Soon, Tang Bao, Luo Shiyi, Shu Fang and herself will all be together again.

In despair, Mo Yan couldn’t believe his worst nightmare has come true…that woman has finally destroyed Zihua. (Mo Yan is a rather interesting character in the novel. He might be obstinate, selfish, cowardly and cruel at times but his heart towards Zihua is true. Mo Yan’s master has told him that protecting Zihua is the way to protect Zhang Liu so that’s exactly what Mo Yan had tried to do all his life.)

In stark contrast to everyone else, Zhu Ran stands by quietly seemingly unsurprised and unconcerned with what’s happening.

So cold…. Qiangu has thought the sensation of pain was long past her but she was wrong. To be killed by the person one loves the most… is that punishment or freedom?

“Bai Zihua, you are still unwilling to love me?” She still can’t comprehend how something so precious to her could be so disgusting to him.

Silently staring back at Qiangu with a blank expression, Zihua doesn’t know how to explain is not that he doesn’t love but he is unwilling to love…because she is too important so he can’t love her.

Shoving Zihua away with both hands, Qiangu demands “If so, then what right do you have to die with me?!”

Stunned by Qiangu’s question, Zihua froze. Yes, what right does he have to die with her?

Qiangu’s voice suddenly echoes loudly “Bai Zihua, as a god, I curse you to not age, not hurt, not die forever and ever.”

Time stopped as everyone stares in shock. Like a river that has suddenly been commanded to flow backward, Bai Zihua watches as flickers of lights rush towards him and gathered in his body. His left arm throbbing in excruciating pain, Zihua could even hear the sounds of the flash growing back.

Qiangu laughs bitterly. Loving me is a shame? Then I want that scar to stay on you forever, throbbing in pain night and day in order to remind you of it.
Staring at Zihua’s shocked expression, Qiangu doesn’t know if she should feel joy or sadness over accomplishing her revenge. But whatever feeling it is, her time is up and Qiangu slowly closes her eyes.

“Bai Zihua, I have never regretted anything I have done in this life. But if I could start over again then I don’t want to love you.”

No!” Bai Zihua’s scream of agony was for naught as he tries to tighten his arms only to have Qiangu’s body and spirit dissolving into lights dissipating into the sky.

The demon goddess’ power mixed with Qiangu’s blood spread first from the ocean until it eventually reaches the darkest corner of the Six Realms. Everything that was desolated, died, destroyed, broken, all had new life reinjected back into them. As if time itself is rewinding, anything and anyone that was harmed by the birth of demon goddess was put back as they were. The earth, the mountains, the ice rivers- everything are once again back to their flourishing self. It was as if Qiangu was never here…

“Qing Shui!” His grief over Qiangu’s death interrupted by the sight of Qing Shi slowly recovering from her wounds in his arms, Xuan Yuan Lang calls out in joy.

In contrast to Shaun Yuan Lan’s happiness, Qing Shi is covering her face while sobbing uncontrollably. As she was about to swallow her last breath, Qing Shi heard Qiangu’s voice, telling her to take care of herself. Qing Shi knows that Qiangu has forgiven her…or perhaps she was never really angry but was simply hurt.

The whole Six Realms seems to be cheering in joy and jubilation… except Bai Zihua who stood in a stupor as he stares at his empty hands.

 

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“Zihua!” Knowing the shock Zihua must be under, a concerned Sheng Xia Mo (he is one of the three Chang Liu leaders with our hero) rushes towards him but was stunned when he was violently pushed away and watches in disbelief as Zihua frantically attacks his own body.
Other than the physical sensation of pain, Zihua’s ferocious attacks didn’t leave a single trace on his own body.

What a great cruse! To not age, not hurt, not die. One simple utterance from a god decided his fate of suffering for the rest of eternity.

He is to live like a monster…is that how she felt like as the demon goddess? But at least she could choose how to die, to die by his hand but for him, even the power to die is taken from him.

She loved the world but hated only him.

With eyes burning red and his face full of tears, Zihua raises his head towards the sky as he laughs wildly.

How can you be so cruel? To leave my by myself after you had me kill you with my own hands?
Just tell me what you want. I will give them to you no matter if it’s right or wrong. I will give you my love and myself. What does it matter to us if the Six Realms is destroyed? What is it to us if these people die or live? I will take you away, no matter where you want to go. Just don’t leave me…..

Almost fainting from the overwhelming pain in his heart, Zihua’s mind refuses to let go of one thought- it was him who abandoned her, it was him who abandoned her.

His eyes focusing on the crowd of people in front of him, Zihua suddenly feels like they are all hateful. If it wasn’t for them then Xia Gu would not have died…

“Zihua!” Horrified when he notices the demon mark slowly appearing on Zihua’s forehead, Mo Yan yells out but it was too late.
“Be careful everyone!”
A great lighting flashes and sends a huge wave of tsunami onto the shore accompanied by seemingly unending thunders. Some of the demons and immortals who were weaker in power weren’t able to get away in time and were instantly killed.

“Zihua has lost his mind….”

Unable to see anyone or anything else in his eyes, Zihua suddenly wonders why shouldn’t the Six Realms be destroyed, his mind latches onto that thought as if this way Qiangu would be able to come back.

“Bai Zihua.” Zhu Ran appears in front of Zihua all of a sudden.

Wearing a half smile of resignation, Zhu Ran knows that Zihua has completely lost his mind. No one could experience all this and still remain sane. If Qiangu’s goal was to force him to either go insane or become a demon then she has accomplished her goal. Even he had no clue a girl such as Qiangu could go to such a ruthless extent when she really hated someone.
How could she force Bai Zihua to kill her? How did she expect Bai Zihua to keep on living? How would it feel to have to kill someone you love the most? How painful would it be to have to abandon the one you love for the sake of the world?

“Bai Zihua, I know you can’t accept this but don’t forget all of this was your own choice. Even though she was hurt repeatedly by you and was forced to turn into the seemingly heartless demon goddess but she had never resented you. When Ni Man Tian died she had already made her decision to turn everything back so those she loves and those she had harmed would all revert back to what it once was…to give peace back to the world and of course, she wanted to free herself through death as well. She had never considered forcing you to kill her as a way to hurt you…but in the end, you made her hate you.”

“In truth, she has given you numerous chances but it was you who refused to admit, unwilling to trust. Even at the end, if you had chosen her instead of the world, she would’ve killed herself. You knew this deep in your heart but you were too afraid to take the chance. Too afraid to trust her and unwilling to gamble the fate of the Six Realms so instead you choose to die with her. But she wouldn’t let you have it your way. She wanted you to live and suffer the consequences of your choice. Death is not difficult but what is scary is to live forever alone, weigh down by guilt.”

“Aren’t women funny? She gambled everything hoping to prove that you still love her. What’s sadder is that even though Hua Qiangu knew what you would choose in the end, she still willingly let you hurt her again just because she wanted to know what she means to you. In actuality, when have you ever felt pity or mercy for her? You might feel bad or even guilty but all these years you have only insisted on what you think to be right but you have never put yourself in her place. Now…you can forever watch over this world you saved at the cost of the person you love the most.”

His heart twisting in such pain that he could hardly stand upright, the demon mark on Bai Zihua’s forehead slowly fades away until it was completely gone.

With a glance at Bai Zihua’s vacant eyes, Zhu Ran knows his sanity is almost completely gone. Letting out a soft sigh, Zhu Ran wonders if this ending is really what Qiangu wanted. To have Bai Zihua unable to forget her even after she is dead? If so, then congratulations Qiangu, you have finally won.

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