Journey of Flower Novel Translation #9

Reaching out her hand, Qiangu grabs Bai Zihua’s robe like a frightened and confused child.

His face pale and his body shaking from the force of his anger to the point that he can’t even speak, Bai Zihua turns around to deliver a stinging slap to Qiangu’s face.

Staying still, Qiangu takes the full force of the slap then crumbles to the ground, her face filled with anguish.

Bai Zihua’s half raised hand freezes in mid air when he sees Qiangu’s rumpled cloth and her half exposed shoulder, pointing at her with his other hand, Bai Zihua opens his mouth to say something but he is so furious that words refuse to come.

Qiangu has never seen him so furious, with bloodshot eyes and the force of his anger coming towards her like a tsunami, all of their pretenses crumbled in an instant just because she brought disgrace to herself and was about to do something unspeakable with another man.

Unable to shake off the image of Qiangu with Mo Bingxian, Bai Zihua feels like his heart is about to burst. He is the one that raised her and knows her best, so even after she became the demon goddess he had never heeded any of the rumors concerning her, refusing to believe the girl who loves him so would one day stoop to this level. Tomorrow is the big battle. If he hadn’t come searching due to worry, then the next day what awaits him would be her dead body. She knows full well the consequence of giving herself to Mo Bing Xian but she still acted so foolishly! Is she really in love with the guy?!

The instant he saw that scene, the overwhelming agony and fury swallowed his heart like someone had taken a knife and is stabbing it repeatedly. That desperation and hopelessness almost ate up his soul. Suddenly filled with hatred, Zihua hates that she never understood what he has tried and is still trying to do for her. He hates that she always makes him full of worry. He hates that there are always countless men around her but she is clueless the no one cares about her as much as him. The one he hates the most is himself. He hates that he doesn’t have the ability to turn back everything for her. He hates himself for somehow ending up being the one that had forced her to come to this. He hates that he has again and again hurt her.

What he hates the most at this very moment is that he is without his power so he can’t choke Mo Bing Xian to death.

Kneeling in front of  Bai Zihua with an expression full of pleading, Qiangu only has one thought “I was wrong, I was wrong, I did wrong again.”

“Master…” Qiangu unconsciously mutters.

Frozen, all of Zihua’s defense and pretense shatters. In all honesty, he had an inkling of the love that has been growing deep within but he has never been willing to face that love…until it finally reveals itself like a tidal wave.

Before Qiangu could figure out what had happened, the person in front of her suddenly bends down and captures her lips with a kiss.

Time itself stopped. Those lips, those lips feels familiar but different somehow. They are sizzling hot with bottomless frustration and anger. Losing all ability to form a coherent thought, Qiangu could only weakly cling onto Zihua as he none too gently assault her lips.

She has been waiting for this moment for hundreds and thousands of years.

Imprisoning her tightly in his arms, Zihua thoroughly explores Qiangu’s lips until he remembers that she had kissed another man and the kisses promptly morphed into frustrated bites. Belatedly tasting the blood in her mouth, Zihua frowns once he realized what he did and quickly softens his kisses.

Deepening the kiss, Bai Zihua’s own thoughts are a jumbled mess as well. If this is a dream then he never wants to wake up. If this is still a mistake then he would rather never be right.

The kiss is like a punishment but also a gift. When reason finally returns, Zihua slowly released Qiangu but by then, there is no turning back for either of them.

Stumbling backward, the expression of shock filled Zihua’s face as he closes his eyes in despair and turns his head away from Qiangu. Equally stunned and robbed of her ability of speech, Qiagu falls to the floor.

She has never seen such an expression on Zihua’s face, filled with such pain, regret and fear…like he has committed the most horrendous crime in the world.

Her mind still unable to wrap around what just happened nor why Bei Zihua did what he did but she knows instinctively that what just happened is something he detests the most and it will destroy him completely.

Shakily standing up like a broken doll, Qiagu mutters “Don’t…Don’t be afraid…”

Taking a step back, Bai Zihua’s face is drained of color and seems like he is teetering on the brink of a total collapse. What did he just do?!

“Don’t be afraid…” Taking another shaky step towards Zihua, Qiagu raises her hand as the violet light gathers on her fingertip.

Immediately realizing what Qiagu is planning to do, Zihua jumps back as he furiously shots “DON’T ERASE MY MEMORY!”

How dare she?! How does she dare to make him forget again and again!

Yes, he did it! He was wrong! So what! He refuses to use this kind of method as an escape!

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Swallowing big breathes of air as his whole body begins to shake uncontrollably from the pain, especially from his left arm, Zihua almost blacks out from the pain as large drops of sweat start to drip from him.

Sensing something is terribly wrong when she sees Zihua’s body spasming from the agonizing pain, Qiangu rushes forward but is immediately pushed away by him.

“Go…away…” Spitting out the words through gritted teeth, Zihua has never felt such agonizing torment in his life.

Alarmed by the expression on his face, Qiangu launches for his hand again.

“I told you to go!”

Accompanying Zihua’s angry shout is a gasp of disbelief from Qiangu as she stares at his arm.

“What is that?”

In the utter silence, the only sound that could be heard is their heavy breathing. Qiangu takes a stumbling step forward.

Covering his exposed arm with his other hand, Zihua’s voice is filled with confusion mixed with desperation as he pleads “Don’t look…”

Don’t look…

Backing away two steps, Qiangu takes a deep breath and slowly closes her eyes.

How could this be? How?

Qiangu’s head feels like as if it had just been hit by lightning. She wasn’t mistaken. That was indeed a mark left by the water of Jueqing. But how? How could he possibly have such a frightening large scar on him? What could that be possible? When did it happen?!

“Why…” Raising a hand to her lips, everything happened so fast, Qiangu could even believe the kiss was real. However, everything suddenly made sense when she saw the scar. Thinking back to the night when he kissed her and called her name in confusion….(I am assuming Qiangu is referring to the period time when Zihua was poisoned and survived by drinking her blood.)

So…. He had always loved her.

Feeling completely exposed under Qiangu’s stare, Zihua is overwhelmed with humiliation and shame. The scar on his arm was indeed left by the water of Juequing. In the beginning, he had no clue what was going on when Mo Yan spilled the water on him and he didn’t feel anything at all…until later. Then a small faint red mark appeared. The red mark became deeper each day…that was when he finally understood.

There were moments of stunned disbelief but he was always too confident in himself until just now. The passion finally released all the pain that has been accumulating through the years and he suffered a total defeat in front of her.

Yes, he loved her from a long long time ago. So long he doesn’t even know when he started. His own heart and head were completely clueless. Only his body was honest and left the smallest trace of evidence. But he is extremely dense with it comes to emotions and he is one that is supposed to live without love. So what if he loved? Especially when it was falling in love with someone that is forbidden to him.

Seemingly on the brink of tears, in Qiangu’s eyes there is excitement but more part of it were pain and anger. He actually loves her! How could he be so cruel and cold even when he loves her?!

He is always telling her that she is at fault but in reality, he is the one that had committed the biggest sin. How could he have also fallen in love with her? (These are Zihua’s thoughts)

Taking two stumbling steps backward, Zihua pulls out a sword then without a single hesitation cuts off the flash on his arm until even the bones were exposed.

…….Time stopped.

Qiagu stood frozen as blood spilled onto her skirt like a flower painting. Just like that. The smallest seed of joy, the heart that finally started to beat is cruelly crushed by him once again.

“How could you?”

Muttering to herself, Qiangu stumbles backwards. Is loving her so shameful and humiliating that he is willing to maim himself to get rid of the only evidence?

“How can you be like this?” Blood tears flowing down her face, Qiangu stares at Zihua with hollow eyes as something inside her feel like it is about to explode.

Gritting his teeth tightly against the pain, Zihua’s body trembles uncontrollably. The scar is nothing and it doesn’t prove anything! What of it if he loves her? And what of it if he doesn’t? They can never be together. Never!

Sensing the wave of fury and desire to destroy spilling out from Qiangu, Zihua just looks at her coldly.

His darkest deepest secret revealed like this, Zihua is filled to the brim with his own anger and desperation. He had always used swords to hurt her in the past yet when he finally turned the sword on himself, it pierced her to the core like never before. Resorting to such crazy and selfish action was his way of forcing her and himself to wake up to their reality.

Qiangu’s hands balled tightly into fists. She has never hated him this much as that very moment, not even when Tangbao died.

It would’ve been better if he never loved her. How could he throw her heart to the ground and stump on it when she finally finds out that he loves her? She had never blamed him for the things of the past but now…now there is resentment. Losing all sense of reasoning, Qiangu’s face is twisted by rage and hate.

“Bai Zihua! You will regret this!”

With a shout that shook the heaven and earth, a shout seemingly containing all of her rage, Qiangu disappeared in the next instant.

Falling to the ground, a steady flow of blood drips from Bai Zihua’s hand…reminding him of Qiangu’s tears.

 

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